it's really fucking stupid for someone in my position (white, able-bodied adult with a bachelors degree) to be bitching about disenfranchisement but i'm going to anyways. i recently lost a law enforcement position i thought i had in the bag because i was too honest about the last time i smoked weed, four months prior to my interview. i didn't really have any other option because i would have been polygraphed against my answers and for sure failed. the drug free workplace act requires that you have not used substances within 2 years of application. so, even though i passed a drug test and had an otherwise spotless record, i was out of a well paying job with terrific benefits. lesson learned.
in a bid for much needed cash, i picked up a cashiering job at an undisclosed retail chain. the pay is 16 dollars an hour and i have about every benefit under the sun. my coworkers and customers are sweet as pie. i have all the hours i could want or need. so why am i still unhappy?
probably because the college students and their parents coming in are dropping more cash on slave-produced dorm decorations than i make in a week, if i'm lucky. why couldn't it have just been me? why didn't the powers that be grant me the vessel of a tall, slim sorority girl with two parents and bottomless wallets? i don't want to live in the working class, it fucking sucks. i almost wish these kids were assholes to me so i felt justified resenting them.
on the bright side, the night time anxiety mentioned in the last post has subsided. not with the use of effexor, not with the use of lexapro, not with the use of vodka, not with the use of marijuana... with melatonin. because of course it would be the most obvious answer.
it's currently my only day off this week, and i'm spending it writing a script that generates cover letters so i can find a remote job as quickly as possible. i don't want to become a recluse again but i think it may be my destiny, at least until i pursue grad school again. i am thankful that i have skills in one of the few fields that offers many remote positions (IT and software engineering). it's just that it can't happen soon enough for me. the idea of physically showing up to this fucking store over and over again for hours on end is actually making me want to kill myself (just kidding!!!1!). my back hurts.
in a bid for much needed cash, i picked up a cashiering job at an undisclosed retail chain. the pay is 16 dollars an hour and i have about every benefit under the sun. my coworkers and customers are sweet as pie. i have all the hours i could want or need. so why am i still unhappy?
probably because the college students and their parents coming in are dropping more cash on slave-produced dorm decorations than i make in a week, if i'm lucky. why couldn't it have just been me? why didn't the powers that be grant me the vessel of a tall, slim sorority girl with two parents and bottomless wallets? i don't want to live in the working class, it fucking sucks. i almost wish these kids were assholes to me so i felt justified resenting them.
on the bright side, the night time anxiety mentioned in the last post has subsided. not with the use of effexor, not with the use of lexapro, not with the use of vodka, not with the use of marijuana... with melatonin. because of course it would be the most obvious answer.
it's currently my only day off this week, and i'm spending it writing a script that generates cover letters so i can find a remote job as quickly as possible. i don't want to become a recluse again but i think it may be my destiny, at least until i pursue grad school again. i am thankful that i have skills in one of the few fields that offers many remote positions (IT and software engineering). it's just that it can't happen soon enough for me. the idea of physically showing up to this fucking store over and over again for hours on end is actually making me want to kill myself (just kidding!!!1!). my back hurts.